Story of my Life

To start off, I want to make some things very clear. I am different. VERY different. How different, exactly? Well, I am what is called a transgender individual. More specifically, I am transsexual. Now, I could discuss in great detail what this is and what it means, but I would rather not explain everything. Google it.

Basically, I was born male. I present as male. Etcetera. But I do not identify as being male. I feel out of place in my body. Why? Because my brain is telling me that I do not belong in a male body, but a female body. And, only recently, have I started to listen to it. See, for the first eight or so years of my life, I was  living a happy and carefree life as a little boy. Around age nine, things changed. I would lie awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wishing that I was a girl. That I had a female body (and an attractive one, at that). At the time, I thought nothing of it. A couple years later, though, I was allowed to stay at home by myself. That's when I started getting into my sister and mothers closets. Yes, I started cross dressing. Or, so I thought. When I realized that a boy wearing a dress was socially unacceptable, I stopped. Well, that didn't last too long. Around age eleven, I started eyeing those wardrobes again. Soon after, I found myself trying things on. And, around the time I turned 13, it finally hit me. One day, I was strutting around in front of a mirror with one of my moms' dresses, a nice, black, velvet one. As I turned toward the mirror one time, I finally realized that I was wearing these things because it made me feel good. They made me feel whole. But, of course, I hid that for a couple years. Then, sometime in 9th grade, I took a sex-ed class put on by my church, called "Our Whole Lives". Okay, it was a bit more than sex ed, but we learned a great deal about safe sex and healthy relationships. Not just heterosexual relationships, though. We learned the whole spectrum: straight, gay, lesbian, bisexual, even a bit about asexual. One of the last things we talked about, though, was Transgender. Even as the word itself was said, I felt something click. Later on, when we discussed in more depth what being transgender was, everything fell into place. It was kind of like fitting that last puzzle piece into place, only, somehow, more. At last, I had figured out what I was. But guess what I did with this information? Yep, I hid that as well. For another couple months, though. One day at lunch, I had finally had enough. I decided I would tell someone. And who better than the guy sitting across from me, who just happened to be bisexual? Well, I told him, flat out, who I really was. After a couple of minutes, he said that he was proud that I had the courage to come out, and that he would be supportive of my new lifestyle. Soon after, I sat down at my computer, opened up my Facebook account, and starting IMing people that I trusted, slowly coming out to my friends. At around the seventh person, I decided I would make a video log about my coming out. Big mistake on my part. after uploading the video, my sister and father got home. And, seeing as my sis and I share a computer, she found the video. I had forgotten to close the window. Well, she showed it to my dad, who in turn showed it to my mom, after demanding that I take it off the internet. That night, my mom and I stayed up pretty late, talking. She ended up going through a whole box of tissues. This happened sometime in April, I think.

Fast forward a couple months to summer. I had successfully come out to something like 15 people by then, all of whom were, and are, super supportive of me. And it was time for the annual summer camps. One camp in particular, though, had me pretty excited. See, I go to a church camp every summer and winter. Granted, we don't really do too much in the way of being or doing churchy stuff. At this camp, all we did was love each other, learn valuable life lessons, and have a great time. And yes, we are Christians, though not any particular denomination that is well known. We are a part of the United Church of Christ (UCC), which has a history of being very open and affirming of the LGBT community. But enough about the church, let's skip to the good part. About midweek, during an activity called Spectrum, I cam out to everyone present, which totaled about 70 people. And received thunderous applause for it. So, for the rest of the week, everyone loved me near to death, saying how courageous I was for coming out, and that they would be there for me, etcetera. When I finally did get back from camp, I experienced culture shock. I was unused to not being in a loving environment.

All this was going on while I was in therapy (hate that word - makes it sound like something is wrong with me that needs to be corrected...). Around the start of my sophomore year, I was done with seeing one counselor, only to be recommended to another, to verify that I was, indeed, transgender. A couple months and sessions with her later, everything was verified. I was transgender, and in need of transition. Well, my dad didn't like that idea very much. only a few days ago did he come around. So, i started taking medication. barely. I started on mild testosterone blockers, which haven't been terribly effective as of yet, all the while with my dad thinking it was a phase, and that I would come around sooner or later. Well, my mom sided with me. She was the one taking me to all my appointments, and we even started going shopping.

Now, here I am, almost a Junior in high school in possibly the best place to be transgender. NOT. Yeah, I live in a fairly rural town, population rednecks. I'm surrounded by cows, most of which walk on two legs and can speak somewhat intelligibly. I'm only out to a few people in town, though things will probably change this coming school year. Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.