Tuesday, June 11, 2013

The good, the bad, and the pretty...

Okay, good-news-bad-news time.

The good:

School is almost out for the summer, I've only failed one class (2nd semester of English), I'm getting ready for a date with a pretty amazing guy this Saturday, and I recently attended the 2013 EHS Adventure Film Festival, 10th Anniversary.

The bad:

I failed half of my English class, barely passed half of my other classes this semester, none of my films made it into the film fest (though I was an extra in a TON that did), and the guy I'm going on a date with doesn't know that I'm trans (I think).

The pretty detailed:

I just didn't really do any school work this semester, and I've payed for it. Let's face it, my high school career has just been one big joke. I have like a 2.6 cumulative GPA, and this marks the second semester of English that I've failed in the past three years, making it even harder for me to get into college, and also meaning that I have to, essentially, take summer school, otherwise I can't graduate. Because someone, stupidly, made English an essential class, where you have to take and pass 4 years of it to graduate. I would rather be taking a class that will actually help me in the work force, not learning about ancient literature styles. I don't write novels or essays, I write blog posts and screenplays. And, apparently, I'm pretty good at that. As for my dip in grades.... Well, nothing has happened to me that would cause that, other than a total disinterest in school, and the new MTG set, Dragon's Maze, came out a month ago. So I've been pretty involved in Magic for a little while, though that seems to be tapering off. For now. Also, in about 6 days, I will have reached the 8 month anniversary of my starting Estrogen, and, well, let's just say I seriously need to go bra shopping. Actually, I just need to go shopping in general; I have next to nothing in the way of summer wear, and no good formal dress for the formal dinner at the end of the church camp I'm attending in less than 3 weeks. On the plus side, I (hopefully) have a date on Saturday, to get frozen yogurt (and maybe do something else afterward, but that's TBD). But, like I said, he doesn't know that I'm trans, and I honestly have no idea how or when to tell him (though I'm pretty sure it should be face to face). I've talked to several people, and received various responses from various questions. I asked several guys I know what they would do if the girl they'd been dating for several weeks told them that she had been born male, and they ranged from "I wouldn't be bothered, since I love her for who she is" to "I'd go insane." I asked some girls for advice, and got "Text him right now and tell him" to "Go on a few dates, see how much you like each other and trust each other, then tell him face to face, before you do anything remotely sexual." I'm thoroughly confused as to what to do, and we haven't even gone on one date yet. We met at the film fest a week ago, sat next to each other, and basically flirted the whole time (he even bought me popcorn and a drink during the intermission).

Something else I've noticed: since starting Estrogen, I have matured SO MUCH. Whereas people used to look at me as an unsociable jerk, they now see me as a fairly sociable, nice young woman. I guess it's true that women mature faster than men.

On a final note, I am REALLY excited for camp in less than 3 weeks! This will be the first camp that I REALLY get to be myself around the people I know and love (being the first time that I will feel totally comfortable being out), and it will be an awesome week! Plus, I'm probably going to drive myself this year!

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