Coming Out

Well, my reasoning for this post was in two parts. First of which being that anyone out there in the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) community that is still in the closet could use a little advice about how to open the door. Secondly, I have just been coming out to a few more of my friends, and I fully intend to come out to several more by my birthday this October.

To start with, coming out of the closet, to ANYONE, can be a very traumatizing, nerve wracking experience, depending on the other person's reaction. I am very fortunate to have only gotten one negative reaction from everyone that I have come out to so far: my dad. I feel even more fortunate that I am part of a religious group that promotes love and acceptance of EVERYONE, no matter their gender, sexual orientation, income, race... You name it, and we more than likely love it. And, believe it or not, we are Christians. I know what you might be thinking, "How can Christians be accepting of gays?" Well, we are a breed of Christian that is rarely seen. We are the United Church of Christ (UCC), one of many branches of the Protestant denomination of Christians. But enough about my religion, let's focus on coming out.

Like I said, coming out can, and usually is, a very difficult and challenging experience. Your best bet, as mine has been, is to come out first to your very best friend, if you know for certain you can trust them, then go from there. My preferred method to telling my friends is texting and IMing on Facebook. I very rarely talked to anyone in person. There are a couple exceptions, including one major one, where I came out to about 70 people at one time (they were all part of the UCC), during an activity called "Spectrum", which I would love to go into great detail about, but that isn't the point of this post. Anyways. The first person I came out to was, ironically, bisexual, and an awesome guy at that. After talking to him about it for a little while, the conversation evolved to what the food at school was like (we were eating lunch at the time, sitting alone at a table outside). From there, I started chatting with people on Facebook, and gradually bringing the topic around to coming out. You get the idea. Well, after Christmas 2011 or so, the "coming out" ground to a halt, which has only recently been started again with someone I've known since starting at this high school.

Like I said, coming out can and will be difficult, challenging, and emotionally stressful, and it is important to do it in a way that will keep your friends around you. I would recommend either one-one-one conversations (doesn't have to be face-to-face), writing a note, e-mail, or letter, or making a video about it (I recommend this as a last resort. I tried it, and it failed. As in, my dad was among the first people to watch it). And if you don't think that someone you know will take it well, either don't tell them, don't associate with them, or, if they are your parents, have a couple friends with you if and when you tell them. If you do tell your parents, I would suggest starting with whichever one you deem to be more accepting, then bring them with you to tell the other.

Other than that, there isn't terribly much else to coming out. Granted, dealing with school and work-places isn't terribly easy, but, seeing as I have had no experience in either, I suggest... Make it up as you go, I guess. Maybe, though (if you are trans*), start by telling your principal or manager that you might or will be transitioning to the opposite sex (won't say gender - you were always whatever gender you identify as) while at your place of work or your school. If you think they will start to argue with you, saying that you can't, or you will be expelled or fired, I suggest bringing an advocate (a trusted person who agrees with your plan of action) and some legalities with you. As far as I know, it is against the law to fire, expel, or even discriminate against a person because of their gender orientation or expression.

I hope you found this useful, whether for your own use, or to help out a friend. Until next time!